She is awake in the middle of the night for some reasons she has no idea about. Her mind wanders, it goes somewhere, somewhere she has never been or witnessed. It just feels like she is stuck, to be more specific stuck in reality. She just finds herself in this situation where she is just completing the next steps without knowing what she actually wants. Just like the game Mario she used to play in her childhood, the next level comes up again and again and seems like it has no end to it… Her future seems like a blurry vision, like she is quite not sure where it is leading to or what she expects from herself. She has completed her high school, her graduation and then masters. She is even employed, but that does not really make her happy, when she comes back home at 7 pm in the evening. Everything that is happening around makes her sick, the feeling of giving up creeps up her soul. But then again when the pay cheque is credited to her account, a good hefty amount, she brushes off those feelings to the back of her head. She continuously reminds herself, this is worth it and eventually she will find a way. She will find peace in what she is doing and then everything will fall in place, there is nothing to be worried about. As she says these words to herself, an inner voice screams but she chooses not to listen to it. She knows the inner voice is right but the reality is something very different. It is not a fantasy world she believed in when she was a kid. It is a mess, which messes up her head when she eventually started realizing things. She feels like she is just one of those competitors in the game of life, where she was only expected to bring good grades while she was studying and now she is expected to bring good cash while she is working. Along with the question of marriage, which always hangs above her head. She tries not to get worked up by the question of marriage, instead she knows it well it is not in the cards soon. She considers herself lucky enough to be not pressurized by her parents in this matter, it is the relatives who are so concerned about it. It does not make any sense to her, her relatives does not pay her bills or buys her food, although after she turned 25 her marriage became a matter of concern for them. For them it is a set of rules where a girl needs to get married by a certain age and then make kids and look after the whole family,this is considered happily ever after by them. She finds it funny how everything rolls, as if she is playing a part in this world. When she will have nothing else to offer, she will automatically be dismissed from the game. She wants to do something different, which caress her heart and her mind. Something where she can pour her heart out and escape the reality, something that will make her feel liberated from inside. It will give her a sense of satisfaction as if she was meant to do this and it will just feel right.

…as she typed all this on her laptop, she felt something heavy was lifted from her chest. May be it was the beginning of a new chapter in her life.

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.