I sit and stare.
It’s a room filled with immense lights to light up the world.
Although, I feel this really weird sensation in my body.
My palms are sweaty just like when I run down the stairs.
My heart leaps and my brain commands me to stop, as it creates the most unrealistic scenarios of how I can hurt myself if I miss a step.
It’s not fun, nor is it funny to feel that way.
It is a deep dark feeling no one talks about,
It’s so dark that I can feel a vacuum in my heart
It’s so deep that it can drown me in its waves
I swallow the lump in my throat
and I breathe deep but it’s not working
It’s in my head I know, but I can’t stop the waves from washing me away
I toss and turn and look for an edge
To vent, or to shout, to make sense of my own feelings
But nothing works as I wake up in the middle of the night
And sweat trickles down my body and my hair sticks to the nape of my neck.
I search for the bottle of water and I knew it’s something,
which is coming for me
I need to run and run faster
I don’t want to be chained down with fear,
I know this is for real, my feet are slippery
But I need to run and run fast to leave it far behind.
“It is okay to not to be okay”
Shirt- Camden Market, Pants- Pretty Little Thing, Sunglass- Amazon.co.uk
Photography- Anindita Das