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So not okay | Nothing Much

I  sit and stare.

It’s a room filled with immense lights to light up the world.

Although, I feel this really weird sensation in my body.

My palms are sweaty just like when I run down the stairs.

My heart leaps and my brain commands me to stop, as it creates the most unrealistic scenarios of how I can hurt myself if I miss a step.

It’s not fun, nor is it funny to feel that way.

It is a deep dark feeling no one talks about,

It’s so dark that I can feel a vacuum in my heart

It’s so deep that it can drown me in its waves

I swallow the lump in my throat

and I breathe deep but it’s not working

It’s in my head I know, but I can’t stop the waves from washing me away

I toss and turn and look for an edge

To vent, or to shout, to make sense of my own feelings

But nothing works as I wake up in the middle of the night

And sweat trickles down my body and my hair sticks to the nape of my neck.

I search for the bottle of water and I knew it’s something,

which is coming for me

I need to run and run faster

I don’t want to be chained down with fear,

I know this is for real, my feet are slippery

But I need to run and run fast to leave it far behind.


“It is okay to not to be okay”






Shirt- Camden Market, Pants- Pretty Little Thing, Sunglass-

Photography- Anindita Das

-Good Vibes-


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